reflecting on ramblings

At the beginning of every month, I’d like to get into the rhythm reflecting on the previous month regarding what God’s been doing in my life (blessing, correcting, teaching, etc.). I also want to notice what triggers the most fear, frustration, anxiety…and joy and fulfillment in that month. Basically, as someone who usually is a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person, I want to carve out a little piece of time to learn awareness: first of God and also of self.

Perhaps noticing this in the past will help me eventually to be more aware in the present. It’s going to be a big learning curve.

I skimmed my journal for the month of January last week and was quite touched by God’s kindness and provision of two desires/requests. The first was for a job. I applied for 2 jobs – neither of which would be very flexible and therefore would have been poor options for this stage of life. Yet I was convinced that I needed them and that they needed me, and I called the one place every day for 2 weeks until I was finally told, “Sorry, but we’re not hiring.” I felt quite desperate and anxious and (ask Robert) cranky.

One day, while making small talk with a woman I had met once, I said, “I just need a super flexible job that starts tomorrow and is okay with me taking weeks off – frequently.” She called me and let me know of such a job (one week a month). The week after that, I was offered another very flexible and very part-time job…more or less out of the blue. I know this isn’t everyone’s story. I know of very decent people who have been looking for jobs a honkin’ lot longer than me. But I’m grateful for God’s provision and even protection of my time in this way.

The other neat provision: I’ve been missing interacting with seekers. My pastor connected me to a lady who was uber-ripe, and I had the neat opportunity of talking with her for a few hours about God's love and grace...and then prayed with her about beginning a relationship with Christ. Now we’re meeting once a week to talk about him and what it means to be his follower. It’s such a treat – and it deepens my excitement and desire for evangelism and for knowing Christ better. This woman’s sincerity, faith, curiosity and occasional skepticism is an answer to prayer.

The goofy part of it all is that I don’t know if I would have noticed these as provisions of God had I not read my ramblings.