While on a visit today (which I was practically dragged to - no exaggeration. The lady took my hand to shake it and then did not - would not - let go until I was in her house)... Yes, while on a visit today, I was asked various times about my family. Normal stuff. Someone new comes into the room, and the little speech comes again. I described my family about 5 times in 2 hours; a rather impressive-sounding speech that I've had ample opportunities to give in Albanian. Each time, the sweet old grandma would say with a sigh, "Ahh! how sad! what do ya' do...that's too bad!" when I said I have three sisters and no brothers.
This has happened so many times, I don't even feel like it's blog-worthy. Some women will actually say that it's better with just girls and not boys - but I don't think for a second they believe this at all (they're usually women who have at least one son - they're safe from the shame of all daughters and no sons). Yep - even here in this little piece of the other Europe, boys seem to be preferred over girls. Perhaps it's not as obvious as in northern rural India or in other places (where one person vocalized his belief that my father's death was related to the shame of not having a son), but it's still very present.
What do the 6-, 8-, and 13-year-old sisters without a brother think when their own beloved grandma says stuff like that? What do my other 3 neighbor kiddie gal pals think when their baby brother (a suprise for the fam) gets crazy amounts of attention - because he is a boy? (all babies and kids get lots of attention here - but there does seem to be more with the baby gents.) What does a beautiful 4-year-old girl think when she hears over and over that it's so terrific that her parents also have a boy?
Honestly, while some gender stuff here royally stinks as in every place, it's not the female infanticide and bride-burning and child bride and child prostitution stuff I stared in the face while in another place. Yet...there is still something that is not right. And, honestly, I don't really know what to do about it. Lots of girls and women here are successful and respected. Lots of others are not. I don't want to bottle this stuff and then go ballistic when I see this rooted belief expressed in ways that flippin' tick me off (just wrote and deleted a big ol' rant). I...(pause)...I would like to do something. I just don't know what that would/should/could look like.
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