"I don't wanna miss a thang"

One of my earliest memories of living in Kosova is walking by the row of coffeebars and hearing Aerosmith's I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thang (from Armageddon). I remember stopping and staring – reflecting for a moment on how difficult it is missing many a “thang” in my family/in the States - and then busting out laughing at how goofy it was to listen to that song in Kosova (digression: another time I busted out laughing was in hearing Brittany Spear’s I’m Not a Girl song being played in a vend where the average age was 60 and the gender was exclusively male).

Anyhoo, as much as I don’t want to focus on how little time I have left here (“Count up and not down!!”), it’s getting to be a bit difficult.

…I don’t want to miss a thang: Kosovar friends’ weddings in the upcoming years (hey, that goes for state-side, too…except that it’s different where the Christian community is so tiny); when Me**, Ma**, S**, Ir**, and others come to faith in Christ; when S&S come back into the fellowship; when N** becomes a pastor, when the youth grow and change and go through more ups and downs, when some semblance of status finally comes to Kosova, and a BIG et cetera.

...I’m beginning to recognize how territorial I’ve become and realize how important it is to share…and even let go. (gah – even writing that sounds lame…but it’s very true).

…Sure, I might have many, many days when I think, “Aagh! What am I doing? What am I supposed to be doing? Aagh!” – and yet those days are finally becoming less...or at least I’m becoming more comfortable with the ambiguity. That said, I have a lot more hooks (responsibilities?) to hang my weeks on that still allows for loads of spontaneity (and, of course, ambiguity).

…I know the names of store workers, where to find good veggies, who is the better meat butcher, which bakery has the best, softest rolls, and where to find the amazing cherry or walnut-filled pastries. I know where all of my friends live and when it’s good to visit them. I am getting to know peoples’ interests, passions, fears, and hot-button issues. It's taken a chunk of time to obtain this info (and there is still much to be learned!)

…So much is barely even off the ground (ie – youth. Trial and error kind of takes a long time :). And relationships – I’m still working on developing trust and a right to be heard. It’s going to be super hard to leave possibly before trust is strong enough to be heard.

And that’s the hardest part, really. On one hand, it’s a bummer thinking about leaving 6 gals that I’ve spent a ton of time with (traditional festivals, 15+ nights sleeping at their place, 5 visits to their mountain village, laughing, cooking, dancing, singing, games, etc. together). On the other hand, perhaps, in a heart-tearing, agonizing kind of way, that may be the easiest goodbye. The hard ones will be to people whose possible only (or main) interaction with a Jesus-believer/follower is with me…and realizing how difficult/impossible it is going to be to “pass some of them off” on believers’ who already have overflowing social circles. OUCH.

Okay…enough thinking about this for now!